Recalling the Best of the Worst Times
by somethingcoolmusic
Summary: Jess is looking back on the mistakes he made in Stars Hollow, along with the few things he might have done right. Mainly just a "J" story but maybe "R/J" later...
1. The Storm

Title: Recalling the Best "Worst" Times (Part 1) Author: Sirius Summary: Jess is back in New York, thinking back on his times in Stars Hollow. He hated it there, in that cookie-cutter town, but now it was the only place he wanted to be. Rating: PG-13 Pairing: R/J  
  
The rain is thundering against my window in my run-down apartment. I'm sitting at the window seat, looking out at the muggy streets filled with people running, carrying newspapers to cover their hair. Everything here is different than I thought it would be when I came back. My friends say that I've changed, but I don't see it. I can't believe I came back to this crap.  
  
Luke had tried so hard when I got there to make me feel welcome, forcing me to meet the people of the town. I just threw it right back at him. I wish I could go back and change all that.maybe I'd still have a shot there.  
  
Luke stood holding the phone expectantly at me, waiting for me to take it and make unenthusiastic small talk with my mother. I looked at him like he was a retard and made one of my well-known sarcastic comments.  
  
"Tell her I gotta take another crack at that closet. You know, I think I hung my Tool T-shirt next to my Metallica T-shirt and they don't really get along."  
  
Luke had stood there and stared at me like was an imbecile. "You really want me to tell her that?"  
  
"You think a different band combo would sell it more?" I frowned up at him, pretending like he was actually expected to answer that. He turned away in a huff and told my mom I would call her later. Yeah, right.  
  
Then there was Rory. God I miss her. She was the only thing in Stars Hollow worth getting out of bed for. I remember the day that I met her, I think maybe I was a bit forward with a comment about bailing the dinner, but she still seemed to be interested in me.  
  
When I walked down the hallway of the Gilmore household with Luke, Lorelai trailing close behind, a girl my age walked out of her room and introduced herself.  
  
"I'm Rory."  
  
Like always, I tried to be cool. "Yeah, I figured."  
  
"Nice to meet you." She was so polite it was almost nauseating. I turned my attention to the bookshelves in her room and skimmed through them.  
  
"Wow, aren't we hooked on phonics."  
  
"Oh, I read a lot. Do you read?"  
  
"Not much." That was a total lie. I've read everything I could get my hands on since I was three. Not that she needed to know that though.  
  
Ah, now we come to Rory's mother, Lorelai Gilmore. I crossed the wrong side of the line with her the very first night I was there. If I could go back and change anything I had done while I was in Stars Hollow, this would definitely be it. If I hadn't been such a jerk now, I might have had a better chance with Rory. I had taken a beer from her refrigerator and gone out on their porch. Somehow Lorelai had found me and I got myself into quite a mess.  
  
"Oh, for me, hey, thanks. Refreshing. So what, you're not hungry?" She had taken the bottle from me, opened it, and taken a swig before I had gotten the chance to get a word in.  
  
"Not really." I kept up my bad-boy cover pretty well, I thought. But then, she just kept pushing. I know she was trying to be neighborly and welcoming and crap, but she should have just left me alone.  
  
"Well, Sookie made you some grilled cheese if you don't like pot roast."  
  
"Oh, well, if I'd had known that." I shoot a glare her direction and she finally gets a clue.  
  
"Let me guess, you don't want to be here?" Ding! Ding! Ding! Somebody get this woman a prize or something!  
  
"Doesn't matter." And it didn't. It wouldn't have mattered what I wanted, where I wanted to be. I was stuck where I was and that was that.  
  
"I mean, here in Stars Hollow." Duh.  
  
How ignorant can this lady get? I'm getting really annoyed by this time so I decide to get this over with now. "Well geez, Ms. Gilmore, why would anyone not want to be here in Stars Hollow? That just sounds plum crazy."  
  
"Ugh, Jess, let me give you a little advice. The whole 'my parents don't get me' thing, I've been there." Right, she's known me now for what, an hour? And now she thinks she knows everything about me?  
  
"You have, huh?"  
  
"Yes, I have. I've also done the 'chip on my shoulder' bit. Ooh, and the surly, sarcastic, 'the world can bite my ass' bit, and let me tell you, I mastered them all, in heels, yet. And everything you're feeling might be totally justified, maybe you are getting screwed. But Luke is a great guy. He's very special, and he really wants to take care of you and make things right for you. You're incredibly lucky to have him. If you give this situation half a chance, you might be surprised at how good it can be, how much you like living here, and how comfortable it feels to have someone like Luke you can really depend on." Oh my God! This lady was beginning to be unbearable. There are so many inconsiderate things shooting around in my head, just waiting to be said, but I settle on this.  
  
"What are you sleeping with him or something?" I thought it sounded good at the time. Now I regret it.  
  
"Excuse me?" I don't think she was expecting that kind of comment from me so I try to explain myself.  
  
"I don't know. The whole starry eyed 'you're so much better off, just give it a chance' speech. You're either really naïve, or you're getting some." Explaining never was my strongest suit. I would give anything to go back in time, put on a brave face, and be more polite or kind or whatever to Lorelai. However, I can't change what I've done so I guess I'm just going to have to live with it.  
  
Now, like most of my finer memories of Stars Hollow this next one happened at the bridge. The bridge seemed to be the only place I liked because I could be alone. It was kind of Rory and I's spot, you could say. On this particular day, Luke was yelling me at over stealing some money from some pathetic fund to fix the bridge.  
  
"I told him he was crazy, you wouldn't do that, you weren't a thief, that he was just trying to start trouble, then I hung up on him. But don't get me wrong, I enjoy hanging up on Taylor, and he is crazy, but I was just wondering if maybe any of the other things he said were true." Luke never seemed to have much of a mind of his own because he always had to have straight facts before he would believe something.  
  
Wondering whether or not I had completely lost Luke's trust yet, I asked him, "What do you think?"  
  
Now, being the smart guy Luke is, he continued with, "I think that if you tell me that what he's saying is not true, then I'm gonna believe it's not true." Personally, I don't find that to be a real intelligent thing to tell a seventeen-year-old kid who could easily bamboozle you into saying anything. But, whatever.  
  
Seizing the opportunity I was kindly handed, I replied. "Okay, it's not true." I must not have sounded very convincing because Luke looked at me like I was an imbecile.  
  
This is where I got mad. I don't really remember why, but I guess I just got too fed up with the whole small town life thing. Everyone always watching you, everyone knowing your business. I guess I just blew up. "Look, what exactly do you want from me? You bring me here to this place, you put me in a school that says the Pledge of Allegiance in six different languages, two of which I've never heard of before. You take me away from my home, my friends, and now you want what from me?"  
  
Luke looked a little surprised and tried to reason with me. "I'm trying to help you."  
  
"Well, stop trying. Stop talking to me, stop following me, and stop asking me questions. Just stop."  
  
"That's what you want?" Duh! If it wasn't what I wanted, I wouldn't have asked for it!  
  
"Yes."  
  
"That's really what you want?" Must you ask this over and over again?  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Fine, you got it."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
Ah, now we get to the best part. As I was smugly trying to make my "all famous patented Jess exit," Luke goes and takes the perfect opportunity to push me head first into the lake. I guess I deserved it, but that water was freaking cold!  
  
A sudden bolt of lightning streaks brightly beyond the building across the street and I'm jolted back to life. I look around the dreary apartment my mom and I shared, finding nothing worth coming back for. I keep trying to remember why I ran away, but nothing comes to mind. There was no explanation, I just got scared. Scared of hurting her again. I didn't know that I was hurting her more by not being there now... 


	2. The Call

Title: Recalling the Best "Worst" Times (Part 2) Author: Sirius Pairing: R/J sooner or later Summary: Jess is back in New York, thinking back on his times in Stars Hollow. He hated it there, in that cookie-cutter town, but now it was the only place he wanted to be. Rating: PG  
  
So now I'm in Washington Square Park. The storm passed so I decided to go out for a walk. I can't believe how much I miss her. I thought if I came here, went back to my old life, my old ways, I would be able to just forget that I ever knew her, ever had feelings for her. Fat chance of that. The park benches were a lot more comfortable in Stars Hollow.  
  
I look up from where I'm slumped on my hard, steel bench. People walking in pairs or hurrying home from work pass me by and I just stare at them. A payphone catches my eye so I head over to it. Now's my chance. I put in my coins and dial a very familiar number. I wait for someone to pick up, and then I hear it. Her angelic voice.  
  
"Hello?" Ah, Rory. Sweet, sweet Rory.  
  
"Hi." I smile to myself but don't allow it to show in my voice. I don't hear her on the other side and panic takes over. "Hello?" Please be there!  
  
"Hi." Thank goodness.  
  
"Is this a bad time?" I don't mean to intrude or anything.  
  
"Um, no, just hold on a sec?" I wait a minute and I hear the loud noise in the background quiet a little. I guess she went in another room. "Hi."  
  
I decide to be nonchalant and respond with, "You said that already."  
  
"I did. You're right, sorry." I love how much I can fluster her with a few simple words.  
  
"So, what's up?" I miss her. God I miss her. If I were there right now I would know what was up. I can't believe I screwed myself out of being with her. Maybe not "being" with her, but at least getting to see her.  
  
"Nothing. What about you?"  
  
"Same."  
  
"So, what have you been doing?" Personally, I thought that question was covered in the "what's up" that I already answered, but hey, whatever.  
  
"Nothin' much. Just hanging out . . . in the park, mostly."  
  
Rory, never really being a real urban-type, named the first park that came to mind. "Central Park?"  
  
"Washington Square Park." In my opinion, Central Park is always a little too crowded. Washington Square is quieter and a better place to read.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"It's cool though."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"It's where David Lee Roth got busted."  
  
"Right, right. I hope he's got it together now." Typical . . .  
  
"Sounds like you got a party going on there." And it did. I could hear the music from where I was standing in middle of a crowded street.  
  
"No, it's just me and my mom." Sometimes just the two of them make quite a party on their own.  
  
"Right. Okay, well, I'm gonna go. This is long distance." The operator had come in on my side of the line and told me to finish up because my time was up.  
  
"Yeah, it is long distance." I thought I heard sadness or longing in her voice, but I didn't comment on it.  
  
"So, see ya." I don't want to leave. Don't make me leave. Two more minutes. Please. Anything to keep talking to Rory.  
  
"Yeah, see ya." She hangs up on the other end and I stand there, pressing the phone to my ear, wishing her to come back, but she's gone.  
  
Not satisfied with the little time I was given, but thinking it would be foolish to call her back, I hang up the phone and walk away. I return to my bench with an empty pit in my stomach.  
  
The memories come back and haunt me continually. All the times I could have done better. Could have been nicer. Could have not screwed things up. Could have gotten on people's good sides. Could have . . . should have . . . didn't.  
  
Mainly, I remember Rory. However, most of those memories end with Dean. The first day I screwed up in front of Dean floats through my mind and I linger on it for a minute. It was right after I pulled the dumb prank of drawing a chalk outline on the sidewalk in front of Doose's Market.  
  
"Should you be standing here all alone? I hear this is a pretty dangerous corner." I begin with one of my honorable sarcastic comments.  
  
"I'm fine." However, judging by her put off tone, she doesn't see the humor.  
  
"Feeling succinct today?"  
  
"Pretty much."  
  
"Hmm. Did I do something to offend?" Maybe I really did hurt her feelings and I just didn't know it.  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"No."  
  
"Good." I hoped that hadn't been the case and was relieved when I found out I hadn't.  
  
"You might want to ask that same question to Luke though." Ah, now we get right down to it.  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"You've got this whole town down on him." This whole town being what? Fourteen people? Big deal.  
  
"Really? How did I do that?" I threw in the dumb card and acted like I had no idea.  
  
"You know how you did that."  
  
"I'm not really familiar with the blue book laws in this town, so you can be talking about a lot of things. Dropping a gum wrapper, strolling arm in arm with a member of the opposite sex on a Sunday." At the time, I had been pretty proud of coming up with something that creative that fast, but now, looking back on it, I find it really stupid. She motioned down towards the outline that took me an hour to draw. "Ah. What about it?"  
  
"You did it. The whole town knows you did it. They had a meeting about it." She had to be kidding, a meeting? Over something this trivial?  
  
"You actually went to that bizarro town meeting? Those things are so 'To Kill a Mockingbird.'"  
  
"Yes, I went. And Luke went. And when he got there, everyone ganged up on him. They all want you gone." Everyone, being fourteen people, right?  
  
"Wow, bummer."  
  
"And he's standing there yelling at everyone and defending you and paying Taylor back for his lettuce losses . . ."  
  
"Wait, his what?"  
  
"And now Luke's a pariah and it's all because of you! What a shock, you don't care about any of this."  
  
Now, hold on a second! "I didn't say that."  
  
"Go. I'm tired of talking to you." Considering I still kinda wanted to be her friend, I did as I was told, for once.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"You care nothing about Luke and his feelings!" She called after me, apparently not done.  
  
I turn on my heel and smirk at her. "Got a second wind, huh?"  
  
"All he does is stick up for you and all you do is make his life harder. I guess that's what you have to do when you're trying to be Holden Caulfield but I think it stinks. Luke has done a lot for my mom and a lot for me, and I don't like to see him attacked. Okay, second wind over." Aww, now when you put it that way . . .  
  
"I didn't know they were coming down so hard on him."  
  
"Funny, I never pegged you as clueless, my mistake." I'll take that as a compliment.  
  
"Okay. I get it. No, no, I do, I get it. So did you at least think it was funny?"  
  
"That is so not the point." Ah, but in my mind, it is.  
  
"Ah, you thought it was funny." I smile at her briefly, knowing I had touched a nerve, when someone walked out of the market. Rory introduced him as Dean and I summed him up. He was like eight inches taller than me and looked as though he was incredibly possessive. Then, I didn't know just how possessive he could be . . .  
  
"Boyfriend?" I asked her this while mentally praying she would say no.  
  
"Of course." Her next action hit hard. She snuggled up close to him, like he was her blanket or something. I kept thinking, I want to be that guy. Not necessarily to be her blanket, just to be hers.  
  
"Sorry, you didn't say. How ya doing?"  
  
After Rory had showed him off long enough, she dismissed me to go walk with Dean.  
  
"Okay, see you around."  
  
"Seems to turn out that way, doesn't it?"  
  
I smile at this last sentence as I remember it. It always did turn out that way. For the next few weeks or so, we always met each other places. Some of them I purposely set up, but some were just pure luck. One I remember having to fight for was also another time I screwed it all up with her and Dean. The time I won my first date with Rory. Note I said first. In my mind, there will be more. In hers, I'm not sure . . . 


	3. The Walk

Title: Recalling the Best "Worst" Times (Part 3) Author: Sirius Pairing: R/J Eventually Summary: Jess is back in New York, thinking back on his times in Stars Hollow. He hated it there, in that cookie-cutter town, but now it was the only place he wanted to be. Rating: PG  
  
Walking back to my apartment now brings back the memory of my picnic with Rory. The overcast sky above me now changes into the sunny day it had been then, and I imagine I'm there. But, if I really were there, I would have done things differently. The first mistake I made was bidding for her. I mean, I wanted to have lunch with her but I made her mad, and I made Dean mad. Heck, I probably made the whole town mad.  
  
"Five dollars, do I hear ten dollars?" Starting it out at five measly dollars? For a date with Rory? He's just flat-out clueless. A date with Rory is worth so much more.  
  
"Ten dollars." This is where I hop in and start my little fun.  
  
"Okay, I have ten dollars. Do I have fifteen?"  
  
"Twenty." And here I go again.  
  
"Twenty dollars, do I hear twenty-five?"  
  
"Thirty." Now Dean jumps in. Funny it took him so long; she is his girlfriend . . .  
  
"Okay, see, you boys don't seem to understand the way this thing works." Taylor, trying to run things smoothly, butts in.  
  
"Forty dollars." And me again.  
  
"Fifty dollars." Now we're talking big money.  
  
"Excuse me, have either of you noticed how tiny this thing is?" Taylor didn't understand that we didn't want what was in the basket, we wanted the girl that came along with it.  
  
"Seventy-five." And me again.  
  
"Now we're not talking cents gentlemen, we're talking dollars remember." We're not stupid Taylor.  
  
"Eighty." Dean hesitated on that one and for a minute I thought I had it won. I didn't think he had eighty dollars to spend on a basket.  
  
"Eighty? Eighty dollars?" Taylor just could not get it through his head that we wanted this date.  
  
"Ninety." Here's where I get really bold.  
  
"Ninety dollars, is that correct?" I said it didn't I?  
  
"Okay, we've got ninety going once, ninety dollars going twice . . . sold to the nice young hoodlum in the back for ninety dollars." He called me a hoodlum! I feel so respected!  
  
So that's the first time that day I screwed up. It just keeps going though . . . I walked up behind Rory and Dean while they were fighting about me and got both of them really pissed off.  
  
"I gotta tell you, of all the nutty barn raising shindigs this town can cook up, this one wasn't half bad."  
  
"Glad you enjoyed it."  
  
"Yes I did. So shall we?"  
  
"Shall we what?"  
  
"Shall we go?"  
  
"Go where?"  
  
"Go eat."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"The person who buys the basket wins the company of the person who makes the basket for lunch. Basket, basket maker, guy who didn't bring enough money." I pointed around the circle of the three of us and put emphasis on that last part, thinking if I ticked him off a little more, Rory and I could go and he'd leave us alone.  
  
"You think this is funny."  
  
"Well, it's no Lenny Bruce routine but it has its moments."  
  
"Bye Jess." Like that was gonna get rid of me. I just spend ninety dollars on a basket and I'm not going anywhere unless Rory comes with me.  
  
"Where you going?" So I pretend to be stupid.  
  
"You're the one who's going."  
  
"Oh, as soon as Rory is ready."  
  
"She's not going with you." I hate the way he's so possessive of her. If she didn't want to go she would have said something, but she didn't. She can speak for herself.  
  
"Really, is that true?" This was either rhetorical or aimed for Rory, but no, Dean answered for her. Again.  
  
"Yes, it's true."  
  
"Excuse me Edgar Bergen, I think I'd like Charlie McCarthy to answer now." And I did. I didn't know how Rory felt about this, so I needed her to tell me it was okay.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Dean." This is where Rory jumped in and I smiled to myself. She wanted to go. Or at least, she knew it was right to go . . .  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well."  
  
"Oh, come on!"  
  
"It's tradition."  
  
"I don't believe this."  
  
"It's true. My mother and I have been doing this every year since we moved here." I wondered who bought her basket last year. Cuz, if Dean didn't know that, he hadn't bought it. My guess was Luke bought Lorelai's, but who bought Rory's? I drag myself back to reality to hear Dean drone on and on.  
  
"So buck tradition."  
  
"Are you kidding? Do you remember how mad Taylor was when I was sick and I couldn't go to the turkey-calling contest?" She has lived in a small-town atmosphere for way too long.  
  
"This isn't school, you're not getting graded."  
  
"Just don't make this into a big thing."  
  
"Don't go."  
  
"Oh geez man, she's not shipping off to 'Nam." I jumped in and made what I thought was a very funny comment. He didn't . . .  
  
"You SO need to shut up now." Oh, like that's gonna work.  
  
"Look, Dean, it's a picnic, it's lunch. We'll sit, we'll eat, it's over."  
  
"No."  
  
"What do you think's gonna happen?"  
  
"Yeah, I think I'd like to hear this one also." He's always so protective, but he never tells his reasons behind it.  
  
"I don't want you to go." And I guess he won't start now.  
  
"Dean!"  
  
"Fine, forget it, go." By the look on her face when he walked off in a huff, I could tell she was so mad at me right now, it would take a long time for us to break the ice.  
  
I told her there was nothing there, meaning he had no way to back up his argument and she knew. She said she wasn't going to go after him because it wouldn't do any good so we left to go find a place to eat. When I asked her where she wanted to eat, being the gentleman that I am, she said she didn't care so I took the initiative and took her to the one place I liked in Stars Hollow. It later turned into "our" place, in my eyes at least.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"Thought you didn't care." She had said she didn't care, but if she changed her mind, I'll go with that.  
  
"I'm not jumping in the lake." Wasn't planning on asking you to.  
  
"No underwater dining, got it."  
  
"Now what?"  
  
"Now we sit."  
  
"Here?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"On the bridge, that's where we're gonna eat?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Yeah, I like this place."  
  
"Wow. A place in Stars Hollow you actually like. I'm stunned." Under normal circumstances I would have had a sarcastic come back, but I didn't. This time was supposed to be getting her to tolerate me.  
  
"It's got some good memories. You see right over there?" I pointed to an unmarked milestone in my life.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"That's where Luke pushed me in."  
  
"Huh." I thought that was my line.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"It's nice."  
  
"It is." I stare at her and I hope she gets the clue that it wasn't the bridge I was talking about.  
  
"So why'd you do it?" She changed the topic, a sign of her being uncomfortable, not good.  
  
"Do what?" If I ever see Rory again I will make a note to stop playing dumb around her. When I look back on it, it sounds so stupid.  
  
"Outbid Dean like that."  
  
"I don't know. I guess it started as a joke just to bug him, but then he just got so mad, you know? And he is so tall, and I just was looking at him and he's standing there all tall and mad and I just . . .I don't know. It was . . .it was really funny." An honest answer.  
  
"It wasn't funny."  
  
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't intend to do it. Does that make you feel any better?"  
  
"I just don't wanna be in a fight with Dean." She has more reason that just that to not want to be in a fight with Dean, I can see it in her eyes, but she doesn't elaborate.  
  
"I'm sorry about that. You wanna push me in the lake? It's cathartic, I hear."  
  
"Hmm, maybe in a little." Good, for a second I thought she was seriously considering it.  
  
"Whatever. So why don't we open this thing?"  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
This is when I open the basket. There is not a single thing in there that I would remotely consider eating. When I tell her this, she claims she made it for Dean. I hold up a container and ask her if Dean would have eaten it. It was gooey and a chartreuse color. She said he would have so I try a bite, thinking I could prove myself to her. It has the worst taste I could ever imagine. It was as tangy as pickles and mustard and the texture of it didn't help much either. It was rubbery like noodles and seemed to have some kind of glue on it. I make a face and I think I saw her crack a smile.  
  
"Dean is an idiot."  
  
"Dean never would've fallen for that." My guess is he would have, but that's just me.  
  
"Ah, ha ha." I laugh and spit it out in the lake.  
  
About half an hour later, we were bickering like I hoped we would be. Discussing books seemed to be a good base to our relationship. I couldn't believe she was as serious about books as I was, I can't believe anyone is. That's one of the many things that make Rory special. We were talking about Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead, one of her favorites and my least favorites. She had only been ten the first time she tried to read it.  
  
"Yeah but I didn't understand a word of it, so I had to reread it when I was fifteen."  
  
"I've yet to make it through it." It felt so good to have someone to be able to talk to here.  
  
"Really? Try it. The Fountainhead is classic."  
  
"Yeah, but Ayn Rand is a political nut."  
  
"Yeah, but nobody could write a forty page monologue the way that she could."  
  
"Okay, tomorrow I will try again, and you will . . ." I leave her hanging, reminding her of something she already promised me to do.  
  
"Give the painful Ernest Hemingway another chance. Yes, I promise."  
  
"You know, Ernest only has lovely things to say about you." Joking with her is another thing I love. She took it a lot more seriously than I had intended her to, but she understood exactly what I had meant.  
  
"Why are you only nice to me?" The way she had looked at me told me she wanted a straight answer. If I had given it to her then, maybe I wouldn't be where I am now.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"An hour ago you were totally screwing with Dean and now you're totally nice to me."  
  
"You see, it's the screwing with Dean - that's an important step to getting here so that I can be nice to you." That was honest, but not what she had wanted.  
  
"So it was a plan." I'm caught!  
  
"What?"  
  
"The whole bidding on my basket, it was a plan."  
  
"Okay, I'm officially starving." I change the topic, hoping we can take the spotlight off me for a minute and move along to something else.  
  
"And officially evasive."  
  
"Come on, I'll get you a pizza." Yay, actual food!  
  
"Answer my question." Um, no thanks.  
  
"Do you like pepperoni?"  
  
"Not going to, are you?" No, don't think so, thanks anyway though.  
  
"We can just get it on half if you want."  
  
"Okay, I give, let's go."  
  
"If you insist."  
  
By the time I'm done recalling this memory, I've made it to my apartment building. I stick the key into the lock and open the door, revealing a tall set of stairs that lead up to my floor. I take them two at a time, incredibly tired and wanting to go to bed. I want to go back to Stars Hollow so badly. I want more memories like that one to be able to recall. I want Rory. I can't go back though, not after what I did. I know she'll hate me. She has to hate me. After that night, that horrible night that had started so well and ended so badly, how can she not hate me . . .? 


	4. The Afternoon

Title: Recalling the Best "Worst" Times Author: Sirius Pairing: R/J Rating: PG Summary: Jess is back in New York, thinking back on his times in Stars Hollow. He hated it there, in that cookie-cutter town, but now it was the only place he wanted to be.  
  
I woke up with the sun streaming through my window in rays that crept between still present clouds from the previous night. My clock that sat on the floor by my bed was upside down but I could read the time, 7:56. To my knowledge, my mom had never come home last night, but I had been so exhausted that I wouldn't have noticed.  
  
My shirt lay draped over the back of the chair that stood at the table in the kitchen and I put it on as I looked through the cupboards in search of something that resembled breakfast. I found a box of stale Cheerios and some milk in the fridge. Sitting at the table, my thoughts wandered as they had a lot lately, to Rory. My dream last night included her and as I chewed my stale Cheerios, a small smile crept up on my lips.  
  
Wasting time in the apartment didn't seem like enough to sustain my sanity today so my feet found their way outside and into Washington Square Park. I took my book out of the back pocket of my jeans and opened it to the dog-eared page. My morning passed quickly and lunchtime was there before I knew it. I was nearing the end of my chapter and planned to leave for food then, but I felt her presence. I could sense she was there long before she had announced herself and I turned slowly when I heard her angelic voice.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"How ya doing?"  
  
"Good, how about you?"  
  
"Good. You hungry?" My stomach had not given up on me yet and I hoped hers hadn't failed her either. Plus, eating lunch would cut away at awkward silences that were inevitably going to take place.  
  
"Starved." Thank God.  
  
"I know a place."  
  
I put my book back into its pocket and we set off in search of food. I wanted to reach out and take her hand, but something told me it wasn't the right time. She had come, and for that I was incredibly grateful, but her reasoning behind the trip hadn't been shared yet. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself.  
  
Walking to the hot dog stand was relatively awkward, but not that bad. We were able to make small talk, nothing like we used to, but still, it was talking.  
  
"I feel very urban today." She seemed very proud of herself to have traveled alone and to a busy city.  
  
"Oh yeah, the plaid just screams urban."  
  
"I think I look like a native." A native what?  
  
"How well do you know Manhattan?" I figured it was the nicest way to tell her she had no idea what it was like to be 'urban.'  
  
"I've been here a few times. We saw The Bangles here."  
  
"When was that, twenty years ago?" Even though she's only seventeen . . . work with me here.  
  
"It was a reunion and they were great."  
  
"Yeah, they're okay." They're no Sugarcult, but not everyone can be.  
  
"And a couple years ago Mom drove us in to shop, and she couldn't find a good parking place and all of the parking lots were a total rip-off, so she kept making U-turns and cutting off taxis and we were being screamed at in so many different languages that we just turned around and drove home and bought a Hummel at the curio store in Stars Hollow." Wow, I wish I could have seen that.  
  
"How very adventurous."  
  
"I'm just saying I'm no stranger to the Big Apple."  
  
Hoo boy, she's got a lot to learn. "You are if you're calling it the Big Apple."  
  
"So I don't have the lingo down yet, but at least I have the attitude." New York is about diversity, there's no attitude to have. But, I'll play along with her for kicks.  
  
"You do, huh?"  
  
"Oh yeah. When I was getting a locker for my backpack at the bus stop, there was this guy and he was just standing there staring at me and instead of ignoring him I just fixed him with a really withering stare." Withering, huh?  
  
"That I've got to see."  
  
"No." Aw, shoot.  
  
"Oh, come on, let me see your withering stare."  
  
"It's dangerous. I could hurt you."  
  
"I've been hurt before." More than she knows . . .  
  
"No."  
  
"I'm disappointed." I fixed her with my best pouty face and puppy dog eyes but it didn't seem to work. Instead, I changed the topic. "So your arm's okay?"  
  
"Yeah, it looks worse than it is." Then it must hurt like hell.  
  
I picked up her cast and examined the stickers and writing that already graced it. "I like this Emily chick. Friend of yours?"  
  
"She's a friend to all of us dispossessed." Uh, sure.  
  
"So here's our lunch place." I stopped where the line ended and pulled my wallet out of my back pocket before she got a chance to say she'd pay. I knew Rory a little too well.  
  
"A hot dog stand?" Uh oh, not good?  
  
"Hey, I eat here everyday. It's nothing fancy, but-"  
  
"No, I love it. It's perfect."  
  
"Good." I got to the front of the line and said my order first, giving her a little more time to decide. "One with everything on it."  
  
"Make that two, please." I liked the sound of that. Two, please.  
  
"So, uh. . .how's-" This was not going to be a fun topic.  
  
She's read my mind without me telling her. "Luke?"  
  
"Yeah." I shrug to let her think that it's no big deal that I know about him. Like I don't care when really I do.  
  
"Okay. He went fishing." Ha!  
  
"Fishing?" That I had to see.  
  
"Yeah. He didn't catch anything though."  
  
"Probably used the wrong bait."  
  
"Yeah, that's a common fishing blunder."  
  
"So he's good?"  
  
Rory smiled sweetly at me, understanding without letting it on. "Yeah, he's good. I can tell him hello for you if you want."  
  
"Whatever." I shrugged again and took my hot dog from the vendor. She did too and she thanked him before we set off across the street.  
  
"Oh, my God, this is really good!"  
  
"I'm glad you like it." I smiled genuinely for the first time in a while and watched her as she got mustard on her upper lip. "So how much time you got?"  
  
"I got a bit." I figured this would be the last time in a while that I would see Rory so I wanted to make it a memorable day. Even if I only had a bit with her, it would be our bit.  
  
"There's a record store you should check out. It's run by this insane freak who's like a walking encyclopedia for every punk and garage-band record ever made. Catalog numbers. . .it's crazy. The place is right out of High Fidelity."  
  
"Let's go." She seemed excited about it and she started off down the street with more spring in her step.  
  
"Okay." I started off down a set of stairs, thinking she would voluntarily follow me. Instead, she looked nervous and stayed rooted to the sidewalk.  
  
"Where you going?"  
  
I pointed down the flight of steps to where it ended. "Subway." I said this simply to make it seem like it was no big deal, but she still seemed worried.  
  
"I thought we were gonna walk."  
  
"It's fifteen blocks. Come on, I think you'll like it."  
  
"Do they allow hot dogs in the subway?" It was an honest question, I'll give her that, but that still didn't make it seem completely outrageous.  
  
"You are so an out-of-towner." I smiled at her and she tentatively followed me down the stairs.  
  
All of my flashbacks of the times we'd spent together over the past few months didn't compare to the day we had. It was the best day I'd had since I'd left. Hopefully I wouldn't screw it up.  
  
(A/N: Hey! Thanks for reading! I was going over some of my old unfinished stories and I saw this one. I liked what I had going so I cranked out another chapter. This one wasn't like the rest though because it was present tense. Next chapter will have flashbacks though. Thanks again for reading and please read and review! ~Amanda) 


	5. The Farewell

Title: Recalling the Best of the Worst Times Author: Sirius Pairing: R/J Summary: Jess thinks over some of the best times he had in Stars Hollow.  
  
The music store was around the corner when we got off the subway. It had a theme: Good music, and loud. Let's just say it lived up to its advertising. Rory and I looked around separately but still stayed together.  
  
"I haven't even heard of half these bands." Even though I used to come here every Saturday afternoon and stay for three hours or so each time, I was still amazed at what I could find.  
  
"I love that about this place. God, Lane would wanna live here."  
  
I flip through a couple more albums and spot one with an interesting cover. "Who's Slim?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
The owner made his way over to us when he heard my question and answered me mechanically. "Grunge band out of Kentucky. Two albums, plus a double-A side single, disbanded in '94."  
  
"Thanks." I shot Rory a can-you-believe-that-look. She smiles and continues to shuffle through various records.  
  
"Oh my God!" I come over to her side, not too close, but close enough and look at what she pulls off the shelf.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Look!"  
  
"Go-go's. You must have that one." They're not really my kind of thing, but to each her own.  
  
"No, for my mom. This was her favorite group when she was my age, and it's signed by Belinda. This would be the perfect graduation present. I've been looking for something all week long, and I couldn't find anything and now I have Belinda." Isn't graduation not for a couple more weeks?  
  
"Graduation?"  
  
"Oh, from college, from business classes." Oh, I guess I really never talked to Lorelai that much about her personal life. I more tormented her with sarcasm.  
  
"I'm surprised she has time for anything except lighting darts on fire and throwing them at my picture." I was serious when I said that. I wouldn't doubt it for a second that she did that.  
  
"Well, it's not a lot of time, but . . ."  
  
"Uh-huh. Go on, get it. She'll like it."  
  
"Thank you so much for bringing me here. This was fate." I watch her back as she makes her way up to the register with a smile on her face.  
  
"Yes, it was."  
  
She turns around and comments, "And in return, I just might show you my withering stare."  
  
"I'm a lucky man." And right then, I really felt like one.  
  
Eventually we had to go back to the bus station. I hated to say goodbye, but at least I had gotten to see her again. We travel through rows of Greyhounds until she hesitantly stops.  
  
"I think this one's mine."  
  
"Yup, the sign says Boonesville." Okay, so not really, it said Hartford.  
  
A guy who looked to be in his late thirties and incredibly lost came up to Rory and I and pestered, "Excuse me, I'm so sorry to bother you. Which way is 44th?"  
  
"Oh, um, that way." She was caught off guard and didn't have her wits about her.  
  
"Great, thanks." He smiled gratefully and made his way away from us. Rory turned to me with a huge grin.  
  
"I got asked directions."  
  
'I saw.'  
  
"He took me for a native. That's so cool." She's easily pleased.  
  
"That's very impressive. 44th's the other way."  
  
"Oh no." The look on her face made me regret informing her of her mistake.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Oh, man, I should go find him." If she left, she would miss her bus. She would probably be stranded here with me over night until another bus came. That wouldn't be so bad, but I think her mom would freak. I decide to comfort her in telling her that if had any brains, he would figure it out eventually.  
  
"He still thought I was a native. That's cool."  
  
"I'm your witness."  
  
"Well, I should go."  
  
"Okay." I felt like she was an alarm clock and all I wanted to say was "Five more minutes."  
  
"I gotta go to my mom's graduation."  
  
"And give her Belinda." I nodded to where she held the record in her casted hand.  
  
"And give her Belinda."  
  
"Go on. I'll check on the guy, I'll make sure he's not wandering around looking for 44."  
  
She nods and makes her way onto the bus. I follow her alongside and stop when she sits down near the back. I had to know.  
  
"Why did you come here?" She obviously couldn't hear me through the glass and with all the background noise of the bus station so she opened the window.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said, why did you come here?"  
  
"Well."  
  
"I mean, you ditched school and everything. That's so not you. Why'd you do it?"  
  
"Because you didn't say goodbye."  
  
"Oh. Bye, Rory."  
  
"Bye, Jess."  
  
I left her there after a few minutes of me staring thoughtfully up at her. It was hard to let her go, but somehow I knew that I would see her again, and soon. I knew I had made a lasting impression on the very impressionable Rory Gilmore.  
  
(A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for reading. I'm sorry I haven't updated in like, FOREVER, but I think I'm gonna start back up again. I hope you liked this chapter. I think I will have a couple more chapters. One where he comes back to Stars Hollow, one with the first encounter after Washington, and then one big one with them getting together. Sound good? Thanks for reading and please review if you get the chance! ~Amanda) 


	6. The Fight

Title: Recalling the Best of the Worst Times  
  
Author: Sirius  
  
Pairing: R/J  
  
Summary: Jess thinks back over some of his best memories of Start Hollow.  
  
After I let Rory go that day at the bus station, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I didn't even go track down my best friends in New York because I knew I wouldn't be staying long. I knew I had to go to back. Liz had no problem with it. At all. None. I'm not even sure she knew I'd ever come back. It was absolutely fine with me.  
  
As soon as my bus arrived back in Stars Hollow, I took the back way into the dinner and rushed upstairs before anyone could see me. I hung out around up there until Luke came up to look for his leather ledger. He was surprised to see me, to say the very least, but after we argued for a bit, he agreed to let me stay. At that moment, he was my savior. He warned me not to go looking for Rory right now because she was still happily with Dean. Dean my ass.  
  
I went to Sookie's wedding. I wasn't invited, per say, but I didn't stay for the ceremony so I figured that was still okay. I stayed down by the water, planning to just watch Rory. Then, she came walking up the path with her dad. From what I could see, his cell phone went off and she was left alone. She was about to walk back to the Inn when she saw me. I think she hesitated for a minute, debating whether or not to come talk to me, but I won and she came over.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"Hello to you, too." I'd kind of expected a little bit kinder of a greeting, but I guess I'd caught her off guard again.  
  
"Is everything okay?" I was prepared for this question, considering no one thought in a million years I would come back unless I absolutely had to.  
  
"You look nice." Okay, good, we're talking, and I was being very honest, she looked wonderful.  
  
"Thank you. What are you doing here?"  
  
"I moved back." Please say something positive.  
  
"What?" Maybe she didn't hear me correctly or something. maybe she thought I said I needed a new pair of slacks.  
  
"I moved back."  
  
"But - what - why?" She heard me this time. She didn't sound thrilled.  
  
"Just wanted to." Vague, always a good way to go. Leaves you feeling indifferent to the entire situation.  
  
Let's just say that I didn't feel indifferent when she kissed me. It all happened so fast that I couldn't do anything. I tried to respond but by the time I was trying to get my arms around her, she had already pulled away. That's usually not a good sign.  
  
"Oh my God! Oh my God!" Having a girl hysterically say "Oh my God!" isn't usually a good thing either.  
  
"Rory." Okay, so it was a mistake. I can deal with that. We've got all summer to make mistakes.  
  
"Don't say a word!" That hurt. I wanted to tell everyone. I wanted to shove this in Dean's face.  
  
"Okay." She was backing away quickly now and it hurt me more with each step she took.  
  
"I have to go." She turned around, looking like she was gonna twist her ankle in an effort to get away from me. "Oh, welcome home!"  
  
She left me standing there with more to think about than the most award- winning book. I didn't get to talk to her that night like I'd hoped. She didn't come into the diner. She didn't come into the diner for a whole six weeks after that. I was so mad when I heard that she'd left without telling me. I didn't expect her to ask me to wait for her, or even for her to explain the kiss. I just figured she would try to evade the topic by talking about books with me. At least then we would have been talking. Now, we were far away in different states, and she probably hated me.  
  
This is where I decided to go and be a total jerk. I went off and found one of the worst, sluttiest girls you can find in Stars Hollow, which were few and far between, and attempted to entertain myself with her. I tried to push Rory out of my head every time I kissed Shane, I tried to think that Shane was worth it, but Shane wasn't worth anything. She couldn't hold a damn candle to Rory.  
  
Then, Rory came back. I'd been counting down the days. She came back on the same day as the Stars Hollow Summer Festival, the same day Shane wanted to make out in front of the entire town. I guess I went along with it, not realizing that Rory was gonna be there. I'd figured she'd want to hang out at home with her mom. I guess I guessed wrong. I'd hurt her, more than I had when I'd left, more than I had when I bought her basket, more than I ever had before.  
  
That night, Luke had me go to Doose's for some mustard, or some stupid thing like that, which obviously could have waited until the next day, yet he insisted I go then. I ran into her there. I'd seen her come in and I tried to stay out of her way, but she came into my aisle. I had to talk to her.  
  
"Doing a little shopping?"  
  
"Yes. Excuse me." She tried to get away. I would have let her, except that the expression on her face killed me.  
  
"Why the cold shoulder?"  
  
"No cold shoulder. I just have perishables here." I looked in her basket and didn't see anything perishable. She wanted to get away from me as fast as she could.  
  
"Oh yeah, you wanna get home before that beefaroni goes bad."  
  
"My mom's waiting for me." I believed her on that. Lorelai was probably pressing her face against the window of the store, watching us talk, making sure I didn't hurt Rory.  
  
"How was Washington?" Now I was the one who was hurt.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Do anything interesting?" I'm not necessarily pestering, am I? I'm just curious.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Okay." I planned to leave now, to get away before I did any more damage.  
  
"What about you?" Maybe she was just being polite. Except that her tone didn't sound too polite, she sounded mad.  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"Anything interesting happen? This summer, I mean." Ouch, she was being bold.  
  
"Nope." I shrugged it off quickly.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"So nothing happened this summer, at all?"  
  
"It was hot. Two weeks ago there was a run on snowcones. Machine broke, people went crazy, Taylor tried to call in the National Guard, but." I went for the obvious, hoping she'd get annoyed and leave.  
  
"I'm not talking about snowcones."  
  
"What are you talking about then?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Her name's Shane." She would have figured it out eventually.  
  
"As in 'come back'?" That comment was actually, really funny, and I would have laughed under different circumstances.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Well, great. That's great. Really, it's great." Three times a charm.  
  
"So I've heard."  
  
"Well, it is."  
  
"Are you upset about something?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I mean, me and Shane." Yeah, this is the way to go. Drill it into her head until she will hate me for the rest of my life.  
  
"What about you and Shane?"  
  
"I don't know, it didn't exactly bring a smile to your face." Did I expect it to?  
  
"Well, I'm still freaked out about the, uh, snowcone machine."  
  
"Okay.  
  
"I could care less about you and Shane."  
  
"Good."  
  
"It just surprised me, that's all."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because why?" I suddenly feel like I am in kindergarten on the playground.  
  
"Because of what happened at Sookie's wedding."  
  
"Ah." A day I remember all too well.  
  
"Yeah, so me coming back here and just seeing you with Shane just kind of threw me for a sec." You leaving and not contacting me for six weeks threw me too!  
  
"I'm sorry, did I hear from you at all this summer? Did I just happen to miss the thousands of phone calls you made to me, or did the postman happen to lose all those letters you wrote to me? You kiss me, you tell me not to say anything. . .very flattering, by the way. You go off to Washington. . . then nothing. Then you come back here all put out because I didn't just sit around and wait for you like Dean would've done? And yeah, what about Dean? Are you still with him? 'Cause last time I checked, you were, and I haven't heard anything to the contrary. Plus, the two of you walking around the other day like some damn Andy Hardy movie. Seemed to me like you're still pretty together. I half expected you to break into a barn and put on a show." Wow, that all sounded better in my head that it did when it came out. Now, it just sounded harsh.  
  
"When did you see me with Dean?"  
  
"At that stupid summer insanity plea the town put on."  
  
"Oh, I'm surprised you could see anything with Shane's head plastered to your face."  
  
"You didn't answer me."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Did you call me at all?" Maybe Luke didn't give me the message.  
  
"No." Ouch.  
  
"Did you send me a letter?" Postman lost them?  
  
"No." Ouch again.  
  
"Postcard?" Damn the mail service!  
  
"No." Ouch.  
  
"Smoke signal?" I probably wouldn't have been able to see it anyway.  
  
"Stop." I wasn't quite done yet.  
  
"A nice fruit basket?" Do they still deliver those if the fruit goes bad?  
  
"Enough!" Wow, she sounded like my mom.  
  
"Are you still with Dean? Come on, Rory, yes or no - are you still with Dean?" I was mad now. Every "ouch" had my temper increased another four notches. It was past recognition now.  
  
"Yes, I'm still with Dean, yes!" I don't think I've ever hurt this much before. I'm not mad, just very pained. My face shows it and I can tell, but I try to hold it back as much as I can.  
  
"Glad to hear it."  
  
"Glad to tell you."  
  
"See you around."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Right back at ya."  
  
So, that was our first encounter after six weeks. I'd say it went well, how bout you? I would take back a few things I said, but I meant most of them. The look on her face killed me. I think I came back for nothing. I don't think this can be fixed. I think I've screwed up past a salvageable point. I doubt if she'll talk to me for months. I stood there watching her leave with her mom for a few minutes; she never looked back, not once.  
  
I went back to the diner after I'd paid for the goddamn mustard. I threw it on the counter along with Luke's change, and stomped upstairs. I grabbed my book from my nightstand and took the window fire escape back down to the street. Shane caught up with me halfway to my destination, but I shrugged her off and told her I needed to be alone. I'm not sure she understood me, but then again, I'm not sure she understands half the things I say. She left and that's all that's important.  
  
I stalk off to the bridge and lay down in the middle. No one ever uses the bridge so I won't be in anyone's way. That's what I like about it the most. If people leave me alone, I'll leave them alone. It's how I've lived my life for seventeen years. It's a nice system but it leaves me lonely a lot. I don't think I've been this lonely in a while. I need to do something. I need to get Rory to talk to me again. Tolerate me again. She hates me. Oh God, she hates me.  
  
(A/N: Hey! I hope you liked this chapter as much as I liked writing it. I got a review from the last chapter from someone who didn't enjoy the story so much. It always hurts to hear stuff like that, but I agreed with the reviewer. This story isn't mine really. I don't actually write that much. All I do is add in side comments. I tried to make this chapter more my own. I added in the side comments still, and I kept the dialogue the same, but I took out some parts and just described them. Then I added a little more to the end. I know I can't please everyone, and that's perfectly fine with me! I don't intend to! But I hope these changes made the story a little more exciting to read. If not, you might go read some of my other stories that don't take dialogue from the show. Thanks for reading and please review if you get a chance. ~Amanda) 


	7. The Runins

Title: Recalling the Best of the Worst Times  
  
Author: Sirius  
  
Summary: Jess thinks over some of the best times he had in Stars Hollow  
  
Pairing: R/J  
  
I continued to "date" Shane for a couple weeks. We flaunted our relationship like none other. Making out in the park was nothing compared the stuff we pulled on people. One day in particular, Lorelai and Luke were coming upstairs while Shane and I were making out, and Shane panicked and dove into the closet. While Luke was changing for some idiotic speech he had to make, Lorelai stayed in the common room with me and she seemed very curious about what had been going on. I knew she suspected Shane was in the closet, but when I confronted her about it, she denied it. Apparently, she told Luke later and he came upstairs and we had another one of our lovely chats.  
  
When he came upstairs, I was looking out the window at some obnoxious thing Lorelai was doing in the Town Square. We exchanged unemotional grunts of greeting and he proceeded to look in the closet.  
  
"Checking for monsters?" I asked innocently, knowing very well where this conversation was going.  
  
"Oh, no, just. . ."  
  
"Just what?"  
  
"Just didn't wanna accidentally bump into someone in there." Very blunt.  
  
"What are you talking about?" This time I didn't say it so innocently, more unbelievingly.  
  
"Jess, did you have a girl stashed in there before?" Cut right to the chase.  
  
"Yes." I got an A in Honesty in the third grade.  
  
"Jess, you don't shove a girl in a closet." Well, you could. Logically. Maybe not morally.  
  
"I did not shove her in the closet. She got in voluntarily." This way, it doesn't go against logistics or morality.  
  
"Oh, sure."  
  
"Look, Shane freaked when she heard you guys coming. Next thing I know, she's in there. I personally didn't care if you guys saw us or not, but hey - women, right? You can't live with 'em, you can't keep 'em from jumping in the closet." I'm not sure that's exactly how the saying goes. Maybe on Jerry Springer it is, but I'm more of a Ricki fan myself.  
  
"Uh, you and I have got to have a little talk." Peachy.  
  
"Hey, if you're gonna get all Ward Cleaver on me, I gotta go call Eddie and Lumpy and tell 'em I'm gonna be late."  
  
"Shut up for a second, would ya? Look, I know you're at an age where the whole girl thing is. . .you know, on your mind a lot, and it's probably not helping you to think straight with all the hormones and other things that are raging around in there. My point is that you gotta think about things a little better, you know, the way you act. I mean, if you care about a girl the way you do with this Shane-"  
  
"I don't care about her." The look on Luke's face was unbelievable. I really had him fooled that I liked that girl.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't even know her last name." Jackson? Johnson? Watson?  
  
"You're kidding."  
  
"She mentioned it once. It didn't stick." Thompson? Wilkinson?  
  
"Well, if you don't care about her, what are you doing with her?"  
  
"Just hanging with her, no biggie."  
  
"Well, you gotta be doing something more than hanging with her. I mean, you got to at least be doing something with her to make her jump in a closet when people come into the room."  
  
"Relax, will ya? All is good."  
  
I had a friend in New York named Kevin and he was the biggest player I have ever known. He didn't care about girls at all. I learned a lot from him, but this is the first time I've done anything like him. His biggest motto was "Use them, then lose them."  
  
"Jess, this isn't right. You can't treat a girl like this, like dirt!" Kevin wasn't a great role model, but taking advice from someone who hasn't been on a date in two years? I don't think so.  
  
"If it's any consolation to you, she treats me like dirt, too. It's a pretty symbiotic relationship."  
  
"And that's fine with you?"  
  
"Yes, it is."  
  
"To just go along in a relationship, you treat somebody bad and they treat you bad back."  
  
"That's right."  
  
"Oh, that makes you happy?" Not happy, persay, more like preoccupied.  
  
"I'd do back-flips but I am way too cool."  
  
"That makes absolutely no sense."  
  
"It doesn't have to make sense to you."  
  
"There are plenty other of girls out there in the world, Jess." Other fish in the sea, other apples in the tree. . . yadda yadda yadda.  
  
"Don't you have to get back to the diner?"  
  
"I mean, you can go out and at least find one that you actually care about." I care about plenty of girls, they just don't care about me.  
  
"Oh, like it's that easy."  
  
"Yeah, it's that easy if you try." Doesn't "easy" by definition mean so simple that there's a lack of effort?  
  
"Hey, the girls that I like don't give a damn about me! And unlike some other people I know, I'm not gonna sit around hoping that they change their minds and suddenly notice me." Luke had hit a nerve and I was going strong now.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"You fixed any neighbor's porches lately? Or you go on a picnic or you get rooked into giving a ridiculous speech at a high school?" He's so whipped.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"At least I've got a little self-esteem." I tell myself that everyday.  
  
"Shut up." What's that movie where Girl #1 keeps screaming at Girl #2 and Girl #2 finally loses it and starts a screaming rampage of her own? That was one of the best scenes of the whole movie. Oh man, the name is right on the tip of my tongue.  
  
"I'm not playing Golden Retriever, hoping one day she'll turn around and fall in my arms. If she doesn't wanna be with me, then fine."  
  
"You have no idea what you're talking about." Empire Records! Girl #1 is Rene Zellweger and Girl #2 is Liv Tyler. Luke didn't finish the scene correctly though.  
  
"Whatever. I gotta go, Shane's waiting."  
  
"Oh, you mean what's-her-name?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll bring you a new leash when I get back."  
  
"Get outta here."  
  
So, Luke wasn't too happy with my relationship with Shane. Neither was I. No one was. I didn't care about her. I didn't know her favorite color. I know she didn't read, so that was an immediate turn-off. Everything was going wrong and I still stayed with her. My excuse was that there was no one else. That's true. Rory was the only person I cared about she was still with Bagboy.  
  
Rory and I had our number of run-ins while we hated each other. The first one was at the grocery store, when she first found out about Shane. The next was when she was supposed to help this guy with his sprinklers and she couldn't work them. I was minding my own business, walking down the street like every pedestrian has the right to do, when suddenly she comes out of nowhere and runs straight into me. She didn't even turn around; she just kept running. I'd caught a glimpse of her face before she took off and it was fully of frantic concern.  
  
"Whoa, whoa, slow down." I stuck the book I'd been reading in my pocket and hurried after her.  
  
"Get out of my way." She brushed me off like she didn't want anything to do with me.  
  
"I like the new look. It's very Blue Crush." I saw that movie once, it had absolutely no plot. The perfect movie to watch during a party with no lights, when no one is actually watching the movie to begin with.  
  
"Hilarious."  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"You're walking pretty fast for nothing." I could feel a small asthma attack coming on from trying to keep up with her.  
  
"Well, our president said exercise and I am very patriotic."  
  
"And completely soaked." And completely adorable.  
  
"Where is everyone?" Everyone is a pretty big amount of people, so they could be in a pretty big amount of space.  
  
"Who are you looking for?"  
  
"No one." The first step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have one.  
  
"Rory, stop. What's the matter - other than the fact that you're obviously out of towels."  
  
"This guy moved in across the way from us and we said we'd water his lawn and the grass can only be watered in ten minute increments, otherwise the lawn drowns, and the thing is stuck and it won't turn off and I have to find someone, Luke or Taylor or . . . Where are you going? Jess!"  
  
I'd started to walk away when I'd gotten the gist of her problem. Maybe we could be on speaking terms again if I did something nice. The walk to the yard wasn't very far and I'd walked in front of her the whole time. I hurried up the steps and walked straight into a sprinkler that was having a meltdown.  
  
"You don't have to do this. I didn't ask you to do this. I can just find someone else to do it. Aw, you made it look so easy." I'm pretty handy when I wanna be.  
  
"Yeah, it was loose. You just had to press down and give it a good twist, that's all."  
  
"Well, thank you." I looked up at her through wet hair that was hanging in my eyes and smiled.  
  
"You're welcome. So things are good?" As long as she was there with me, I might as well attempt small talk.  
  
"Oh, yeah, really good."  
  
"School?"  
  
"Good."  
  
"Still gonna do the Harvard thing?" Great, now I'm starting to sound like one of those distant relatives that only get to see you every few years. They always ask generic questions that make it seem like they care, but they really don't know anything about you. In my case however, I really did care, I just couldn't think of anything significant to ask.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Yeah, good. So. . . My pager." I hate technological things that beep during perfect moments. She had been looking at me all shy-like and then the damn pager had to go off. This is why I don't believe in cell phones.  
  
"Yeah, I figured."  
  
"Who is it?" She'd looked at it and then put it away quickly meaning it could only be . . .  
  
"It's, uh, Dean. I paged him earlier to come over and help me and he just got the message, so he's. . ."  
  
"Coming over to help."  
  
"Yeah." Damn the prince charming boyfriend!  
  
"Okay."  
  
I knew that if I left with the sprinkler off, Rory wouldn't want to turn it on for fear of getting even more wet. But also, I knew that she would be devastated to have to tell Dean that I had helped. They would just get in another argument, she would cry and get frustrated, he could come up to me and be all "leave my girlfriend alone" and then they would make up and everything would be great again. She stepped back a couple feet and I turned the sprinkler back on for Bagboy so he could come be Superman and save his darling Rory. I had never wanted to be a superhero until now.  
  
The next run-in Rory and I had after she got back from Washington had been when I had my car. I had gotten in the night before from Gypsy, who'd given me an unbelievable price, and Rory hadn't gotten a chance to say anything to me about it yet. After what had happened in our study-session, I doubted she'd be thrilled with the words "car" and "Jess" in the same sentence. I saw her and Lane standing by it as I came out of the bank and they were arguing. I walked over and they both stopped talking with guilty looks on their faces.  
  
"Hey." I said, directing it to Rory.  
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey Lane." Even though she hates my guts, I figured I would include her just to be polite.  
  
"Hey back at ya, tough guy." Ouch, right where it hurts. Lane had a battle face on.  
  
"What?"  
  
Rory could see that this conversation was going to cross over to an unhappy place so she tried to hold her friend back. "Lane. . ."  
  
"Something wrong?"  
  
"No. . ."  
  
"Yes! You have a car." Very observant there, Lane.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Don't give me lip!" She really had been holed up in that house of hers for too long.  
  
"Lip?" I asked almost unbelievingly.  
  
"Lane. . ." Rory had to hold her friend back again as it was getting more heated.  
  
"How'd you get the car, Jess?"  
  
"I bought it." Almost legally too.  
  
"Really, I thought you might've built it from parts left over from cars you've totaled." This was getting more ridiculous as I continued to stand there.  
  
"What is your problem?"  
  
"Don't play dumb. You know what you did." Rory awkwardly stood back as Lane and I argued. I felt bad for her, but I didn't know what to say to change things. Her friend was pissed at me, and that was the way it was gonna be for a while.  
  
"I gotta go."  
  
"Yes, drive on away, we'll just keep walking. That's all Rory's been able to do these past few months - lots of walking. She's got bunions because of you, mister!" I have two problems with this last statement. First, Lane shouldn't be talking for Rory when Rory is right there, and secondly, bunions? Honestly.  
  
"Bunions?" I directed my question at Rory who looked caught on the spot, but still managed to answer.  
  
"I don't have bunions." Didn't think so.  
  
"She's too nice to complain about her foot ailments." I'm so sure.  
  
"Knock it off, Lane."  
  
"Just get in the car and go, Jess." I've been trying to for the past five minutes, but your friend won't shut up about your feet!  
  
"I didn't start this."  
  
"Well, you started it when you wrecked Rory's car." See, the thing that bugs me so much about that incident with the study session is that Rory, the one who was actually involved, doesn't seem nearly as concerned or even interested in the accident, then every other freaking person in this damn town.  
  
"Tell your friend to walk it off." Lane had stopped with that last comment, thinking she had said all she'd needed to.  
  
"You walk it off." Rory had taken debate at Chilton, I knew that for a fact, but she must not have retained much of it.  
  
"I'm trying to drive off." I gestured to the car door I had opened.  
  
"Then go."  
  
"Geez, how Andy Griffith is this town that people get so excited by a car?"  
  
"It's not the car, it's who's got the car." Good lord.  
  
"Okay, fine, you want it? Take it, I'm sick of this." I really don't care about the car enough that I would rather have it than Rory as a friend. I hadn't known it would be such a big deal, that everyone would care so much. I would give it back if Rory would talk to me again.  
  
"I don't want this piece of junk."  
  
"Right. I suppose Dean is already building you another car, something really snazzy."  
  
"Shut up and go."  
  
"Gladly."  
  
"Let's go." Rory turned to Lane and they both moved to get out of my way as I sat down in the driver's seat and started the engine.  
  
"Gladly."  
  
Just as I was about to drive off, I heard Rory say with a bit of spite, "Oh, and by the way, you left your bra in the back seat." I looked in the back and miraculously, there was Shane's bra. This couldn't get much worse. I scowled and drove off to Wal-Mart.  
  
So now Shane and I had shoved our relationship in the faces of everyone we knew. Lorelai and Luke got it when Shane jumped in the closet. Rory and Lane had gotten it with the bra in the back seat incident. Everyone in town had gotten it the day of the carnival/festival/summer thing with me pinned up against the tree. Everyone that ever came into the diner got it when we made out over the counter. Shane and I had done about as much damage as we could think to do. I'm not really sure what was in the relationship for her, we both treated each other like dirt, but I was doing it to "get back at someone" in a pathetic way. Maybe she was getting back at someone too, but I didn't know. Now all I wanted was out. I hated being with her. She didn't mean anything to me. All I was doing was making the one person I cared about miserable by being with her. I'd rather be alone.  
  
I decided that I was going to break up with Shane. There was no longer a reason to be with her. My plan had backfired. Actually, nevermind. It had gone exactly as planned, but the results weren't at all what I'd hoped for. Shane and I were through. After my shift at Wal-Mart, as I drove back to Luke's, I saw Shane on the sidewalk, walking in the direction of the diner. I parked on the side of the road and hopped out of the car.  
  
"Shane! Hey, wait up." I called after her as I ran to catch up with her.  
  
"Hey baby." She said seductively as she twirled one of her pigtails between her fingers.  
  
"I need to talk to you."  
  
"Aw, we can talk anytime. I wanna make out." She leaned into me but I held her back by her shoulders.  
  
"No, this is important. I want to break up with you." The look on her face became really confused and then she smiled giddily.  
  
"No you don't. Haha, that was funny Jess." She leaned forward again and I had to hold her back for the second time.  
  
"Wait, Shane, yeah I do. I want to break up with you. We're through." Was this girl dense?  
  
"No Jess! You can't do that to me!"  
  
"Well, I am. Sorry. See you later." I walked away but she ran after me. She was crying now and throwing pathetic punches through highly manicured nails. I got scratched a couple times before I could hold her back. "Whoa, what are you doing?"  
  
"You can't break up with me Jess! I won't let you."  
  
"I didn't know I was giving you an option. You don't really get a say in it. You can't just tell me 'no'. I broke up with you, we're over. It's done."  
  
Did she really think that if she said "no" I would be like, "Oh, yeah, you're right, I changed my mind?"  
  
"Fine! See you tomorrow."  
  
I didn't want to know what she meant by that so I just sighed as I watched her walk away, shaking her hips the whole time. I slouched and shuffled back to the apartment. Luke saw me as I came in.  
  
"Where have you been?"  
  
"Out." I heard him sigh so I continued walking. I'd made it to the base of the stairs when I heard him talk again.  
  
"What happened with Shane?" This made me stop.  
  
"You saw?"  
  
"Well yeah, you were right outside the diner."  
  
"Oh, I tried to break up with her."  
  
"Hmm, how'd she take it?"  
  
"She said 'no.'"  
  
"She said what?"  
  
"No."  
  
"You can do that?"  
  
"Not exactly. So, for the record, I did break up with her, but she didn't seem to get it."  
  
"Huh."  
  
"Yeah." I looked at him one last time before heading upstairs to bed.  
  
(A/N: Hey! I've never really written Shane before, but I hated her, so even if her character was OOC, oh well. The funny thing about this chapter for me is that I knew some guy like Jess once. He tried to break up with his girlfriend and she started crying and said 'no.' Mike (the guy) was like, "I'm sorry, I wasn't aware I was giving you an option . . ." It was really funny to hear about because no one really liked the girl either. She was exactly like Shane. Okay, well hope you liked it. I'd really like to apologize to Smile because I reread what I'd written in my author's note before and I really did sound rude. You didn't offend me at all! I really appreciated your review and I think the story has improved since I've taken what you had to say into consideration. Thank you all for reviewing and I hope you liked the chapter.) 


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